Cao Yu

I came across this quote yesterday at a particularly apt time.

"For a writer, life is always too short to write. I will just try my best during what remains of my life." 

- Cao Yu, (Chinese Playwright)

In the past month or so, I've been feeling a great deal of despair over my inability to be as productive as I would like. Even though I write for 4-5 hours a day, I don't feel that it's enough. I find myself resenting my perfectly good job because it takes me away from my desk. I find myself resenting perfectly lovely things, like coffee with my mom, or a walk with my dad, because they take me away from my desk. This is both unhealthy and unfair to everything not my desk.

I know that I will never be able to write everything that I want to write, just as I know that I will never get to read everything I want to read, or learn everything I want to know - but that's true for everyone. I don't actually think it's possible to do it all - not well, at least. It's just that awareness of my own mortality has landed heavily this past year, and with it came realization of something that I'd only intellectually known: I am going to die with list of experiences left un-had. And that's ok, because it has to be. All I can do is "try my best during what remains of my life." 

And with that in mind, I'm going to end this post and get back to work :-)